Ever since I’ve been blogging about dogs and dog related stories, I’ve had a few friends of mine come up to me and ask about dogs. I think i need to make a confession: I’ve only had dogs for about a year and I really don’t know much about dogs, training dogs, dog nutrition, etc.

Actually, I spend a quite amount of time online reading dog info and watching dog training videos. The trick is to actually APPLY what you learned, so I do. Some of these tips do work, and some don’t. The ones that do, i blog about them.  So I guess when my friends read them, they think I’m like the PawshPal.com Dog Whisperer or something.

But I do get some of the most ridiculous questions, especially those that are interested in getting a dog. I’ve compiled some of them; here are the most frequently asked ones and my responses:

1. What type of dog can I get that doesn’t bark, shed hair, or won’t eat and poop too much?

A dead one.

The dog that you just described doesn’t exist. In Disney movies, maybe. Real life, no.

2. Is it true that dogs fart and have diarrhea?

Come smell my dog after I give him some tofu.

3. Do all dogs need to be walked? I heared breeds like pomeranians and shitzus don’t need it.

If you want your dog to get fat, be a plethora of health problems, get rowdy around the house, and poop all over the dog, no. Otherwise, yes. It doesn’t matter what breed or size.

4. Can I borrow your dog for a weekend to see if I like it?

Can I borrow your kids to see if I like having kids?

5. I can’t get a male dog because they’ll hump my leg.

Please. Don’t flatter yourself. Your leg is not THAT sexy. In fact, female dogs, especially dominant female dogs, will lift their leg to urinate and “hump” other dogs or objects.

6. I can’t stand watching dogs hump each other. It’s disgusting.

It’s not just about sex. It’s usually more about social dominance than actual reproducing. In fact, neutering and spaying are not a sure cure for humping.

7. Should I buy or adopt?

If you have a heart, please adopt dogs. There’s way too many in shelters that need your love. All of my dogs were adopted.

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I got an anonymous email from someone who apparently read the PawshPal.com blog and how I kept (jokingly) referring to Korean consumption of “pets”… and how he (or she) found that disturbing. He wrote, “You Koreans are barbarians. How can you eat your cat pal?”

Instead of turning into a one on one email flame war, I thought I’d share with the world. Here’s what I would’ve written him/her:

Listen Mr.XYZ. If you don’t have the cojones to reveal your identity and make that kind of ignorant statement, I will take the time to put some knowledge into your pathetic little thing you called a brain.

Here are the facts:

1) Korea is not the only country that consumes (or have consumed) dog meat. In fact, it’s pretty universal - Canada, France, Germany, Ghana, Japan, India, Indonesia, Mexico, Nigeria, Philippines, Polynesia, Switzerland, Vietnam, United Kingdom, and yes…  United States.

2) The segment of the Korean population that consume dog meat is TINY. This about.com article thinks it’s 5 to 30% (i don’t know where they got that number, probably out of thin air) but if you watch korean TV where they interview people about the ethics of dog meat consumption, most people will frown and say no.

3) What would you say if a person of Hindu belief scolded you for eating beef in India? Would you look at him strange? Who’s right? You or him? Who are you to judge an entire culture based on your narrow view of life? Yes I love my dogs and I would never eat dog or cat meat, but that’s MY decision. It’s MY prerogative. Everyone has this prerogative. Your standards and beliefs are not not the world’s standard. Have you ever heard of cultural relativity? Who are you to say that yours is right and everyone else’s is wrong? Who do you think you are? George W.?

Last and most importantly, the stereotype for Koreans is DOG meat consumption, not cat meat. Get your stereotypes correct. In fact….

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